i've forgotten how stressless feels like...

this is my second night of relaxation in a week. if you could call it relaxation. last night was spent watching tv and forcing myself to study for math (which was futile, by the way). this night went by chatting, web surfing, and researching for PE ( ).

i think i should really be taking advantage of this time in a different, more (un)productive way. blessings like this are so rare, with finals coming up and all. resting time should be used for just that: rest. even with all this free time, my sleeping schedule still stays at half past 12. i've practically mastered the art of staying up and sleeping less. a skill which now i should start unlearning. i also get my sleep back in weird ways. 40 minutes in the fx en route to UPM. 20 minutes on the mrt back. 1 hour before dinnertime. where can i get my internal clock repaired?

i developed a hacking cough over the weekend. the doctor says its bacteria in my throat. my dad says its sleeplessness and pollution. knowing him, it's just his excuse to not buy me medicine. so right now, i'm stuck with home remedies. warm saline gargles make my tongue all tingly. but he's not entirely wrong. i'd be a whole lot healthier without the fatigue and the jeepney exhaust.

people say that what we're experiencing right now is nothing. just a primer. we shouldn't whine about the 'hard times' we're having now. wait for the 2nd, 3rd sem, med proper, they say. then we'll wish we were back in the 1st. well, i say: to hell with it. at least for now. i've felt the worst i have my whole life in the past 4 months. just allow me to feel satisfied with my break right now. i don't need to feel guilty, knowing that the 1st sem was already the 'break', but i still complained about it. it makes everything i've gone through less of a big deal.

i don't mind eating my words later on, but the present is now. all i know is my past, and based on that, the present is the worst. i don't know anything about what's to come. if it's worse, then it's worse. i don't care. just give me my present. (does anyone get anything i said here? no one? same here.)

i'm just at the oasis. i'm preparing for the treacherous journey ahead. just a little more. until i get to paradise.

this is a break, after all.