if given the choice, would you go through hell and back again?

at least this time, there was a choice. slow and agonizing, or pressured and heated. i chose the former. answering the math exams for the second time around isn't exactly my choice of spending my break. unfortunately, i have deemed it to be the best possible way for me to study for the finals tomorrow, with less than optimum study time remaining for me. and let me say, if the exam was a take-home one, it wouldn't be any easier. tons of distractions and alternative activities have prevented me from reaching peak answering efficiency (i.e. quick and accurate).

of course, being math, the exams are anything but fun, even if for the second time around. cramming my brain with formulas and equations for not just one set of topics, but a whole sem's worth is really draining. and not only am i reliving the painful moments and memories of the original exam, but i am forced to look back at my answers and my scores, to find out how low my scores are and how much more i could have gotten, had carelessness not have gotten the better of me. i now cringe everytime i come to an answer i didn't get before, and realize how simple, how logical, how obvious those answers were. that added bit of pain just makes the experience a whole lot better.

i spent a better part of my morning yesterday texting one of my classmates, who has decided out of contentment and laziness to settle for her 2.0 in math. and along with requests to borrow the oc cds, she pestered me with the reason why i was going to take the exam anyway, even if i was exempted. now, here goes my explanation for her, for everyone else, and mainly for me.

as i look back at my exams, i now see that i could have done a lot better this sem. i may have not exerted enough effort, not given the attention the course needed, or maybe i really didn't know that much at all. but i know i can do better. and maybe the finals are just my way of proving that to myself. there's also the chance of really bringing up my class card grade. it may be too acad-conscious, but it's just a part of me. and i wouldn't want to regret giving up this chance, especially if the finals do turn out to be relatively easy, as said by another classmate. finally, i've already spent 2 days suffering for this cause. to waste all that? maybe. but regret would eat me up inside again.

2 sample exams to go.