funny thing. i just finished reading some e-mail psych test about adding numbers and thinking of colors and tools, and i first thing that came to my mind was a green neurohammer. i am now officially part of the 2% of the population that doesn't think of a red hammer off the bat, and an even smaller percentile that actually entertain medical equipment in their normal train of thought. but really, how different, or *abnormal*, as the test puts it, can i be? a neurohammer is simply a more specialized play on the regular tool, and i've just been obsessing over the color green for some time. my brain's just bubbling over from my mental excursions. or maybe i've just got too much med on my mind.

it's not really surprising, seeing as how i spent the better part of this day enrolling for my first year in med proper. i arrive there before 8, just to have to wait for migz to come with my enrollment papers sometime before 8:30. the "unibersidad ng pila" lives up to its name in no time, with 160 or so students pushing papers at the same office. we finally finish around 11, then head off to the freshmen orientation sponsored by the phi frat and soro, where i squander my greater thought processes by mentally and verbally projecting my raffle number into the hosts' brains whenever they put a sphygmomanometer or stethoscope up for grabs. that, as expected, was to no avail. the promised free buffet lunch couldn't have come up at a better time, and after which i trouble myself with ordering the majority of books and equipment i would be needing for the first year. there were plans about going to sm mall of asia after all the activities, but despite the adventurer and shopaholic in me, i pass the offer up, seeing as how i'm left with barely enough money to commute home (and why? let me just say that i was dealing with 5-digit figures at the phi store). which leads me to the pc, yahoo, and the e-mail as mentioned.

my return from the schooling hiatus was pleasantly... pleasant, i should say. i hadn't made my acquaintance with the 120 new faces in the college of medicine crowd, but from what i saw, i can't wait to actually know these people and start my med life with them. but if i'm talking about people, let me just mention the people who really matter: imed. it was weird, actually, since during the summer, never did i feel that i really missed these people, with whom i was so used to spending all my time with for the last 2 years. thoughts of loneliness never came, and if i wished for the schoolyear to start already, it was just so that it would mean i would have to finally stop working. but when i got there and finally saw the oh-so-familiar faces (some not-quite-as-familiar, with the summer diets and summer pig-outs, myself included) it struck me that my summer existence did feel *empty* in some way, that i really did look forward to and was excited with seeing all these people again.

but right after that point of self-reflection, everything seemed to pop right back into place as it was before we all got dispersed. the same groups, the same topics, the same interactions; it was as if we were never apart to begin with. and as the feeling of normalcy came so quickly, so did the reflections on companionship and company disappear so abruptly. must've just been games in my head, some more plays of my mind.

from the sm mall of asia, specifically.

i guess the adventurer/shopaholic in me didn't really give up without a fight, so i found myself traversing the metro on a saturday afternoon just to visit the mall built at the farthest location possible. so far away that they had to extend the coastline just to fit the extension of edsa built exclusively for it. since i would be going into unknown territory, i had to rendezvous with migz, kiki, deonne, wilson, and karen at robinson's place. poor robinsons, being relegated to being the meeting place for going to a much cooler mall. that, and being an airconditioned walkway from pedro gil to faura. but then, that use makes it more valuable than all the other shopping complexes put together. except this one.

i'm happy to report that the mall of asia does not disappoint. my humanities ii prof will be glad to know that it isn't a plain, boring box of gray jutting out of the bay this time, but an artistic work featuring flowing curves, graceful folds, and immaculate design elements (think sydney opera house meets somewhere with nice open spaces). the sprawling 4-building complex comes complete with fountains, open-air balconies (which are unfortunately scorching with the weather), marching bands, baywalk extension paths (with matching tile!), clowns, theater-like plazas with sunset views, shuttle trams (train-train, as miki puts them), fireworks displays, and so much more. it was a veritable fiesta in there, practically a high-class mall. practically. mr. henry sy obviously didn't spare any expense on this project, and are we glad that he didn't.

if there's anything about the largest mall in asia though, it's that it's too large. and way too crowded. yes, it's big enough to hold the crowd present and more, but when window shopping becomes a demanding crawl through viscous globs of people, it does detract from the charm a bit. the wait at the skating rink was nearly 30 minutes long, and all i had to show for it were aching leg joints, bruised and frostbitten hands, and a rear end that had to endure only seven flops in an hour, but that's another story. we walked around for nearly 2 hours after, and all we got to see were the outdoor areas, discounting the *other* resto strip on the right side of the main building. that only leaves the 2 floors of the main building, and the hypermarket (yes, the *hyper*market), and the department store. and now, ladies and gentlemen, that's how big the sm mall of asia is.

i'm actually a rather reserved mall-goer; i'd much rather walk down god-forsaken avenues than dart and weave between a million random faces. i'd love to come back when the crowds have thinned a bit, but seeing as how nearly half of the shops will be opening on the 30th (but are currently covered with pink-and-maroon window boards, much more aesthetically pleasing that haphazard wood scraps and masking tape, props for that) and knowing the insatiable malling beast hidden deep in the hearts and souls of every filipino, which knows no time nor place nor cost, that's going to be a long ways away.

"here at sm, we've got it all for you." that jingle hits home this time over for sure.

**edit: happy birthday tita cheryl!**

can you believe this?

if you've known me for longer than a year, you'd know that friendster was a fad that just didn't click with me. i stuck to it at the start, for maybe a few months or so, but then the interest and the thrill just dwindled down to next to nothing. i think i had enough willpower to edit my profile to say "up manila" when i entered it, but that was about it. well, until now.

so lo and behold, an updated friendster profile. why, you may ask? well, i just thought that with all these new people to meet (and i do want to meet all of them; the ones i've met earlier today have been great), taking this step might make it go a little bit easier. it's not really a guarantee that i'll strive to become active, but at least it's a start (that phrase is becoming so redundant in my life).

however, some editing glitch won't let me change my birthday and occupation on my profile, or at least it isn't showing up. i am for now a year older in friendster, an unwelcome remnant of the times that underage surfers couldn't create their own accounts. cursed scripts.

and another amazing discovery: i was listening to my newly-downloaded john cale song on limewire when it overlapped with the frou frou song on myke's blog. i must say, an upbeat hallulujah isn't half-bad. i must recommend that right away.

oh yeah, feel free to add me on friendster if you wish to. God knows i need more friends.

guess the friendster update did come in handy after all.

it's been 24 hours after the fateful revival, during which i find an interesting note on my tagboard. looks like an old friend found my blog through my friendster, which automatically makes the profile update worthwhile. i click on the link he gives, which soon finds me in a brief state of surprise and confusion. i end up in the site of some would-be photographer with really good pieces, then i think "this can't be the right place..." i browse around a bit more, each click unearthing another fragment of the puzzle, the realization slowly growing in my mind, until i find a deviantart link. i bite, and there i find the last few pieces to complete the picture: his name in black and white, and a couple of pictures featuring his close kin. halfway through his gallery, it hits me; he is a would-be photographer, and he is *really* good.

oh yeah, i must plug: richard and his deviations.

having him tag me and viewing his blog made me realize two things. first, that i sorely miss old *old* friends, claret friends mainly. though i do get to meet up with richard on occasion (more like when we get the time to), it would be great to really just hang out, and even more so if it were with the other guys. at least through avenues such as friendster and blogging, i still get to stay in touch with him and apparently, discover a whole new side to him.

secondly, i realize that i have no talent at all. at the risk of sounding haughty or ungrateful, the past eighteen years of my life have presented me with nothing but academic achievement to my name. not that it's bad in any way (i would never give up my capacity for thought for anything else) but let's face it, that makes me about as interesting as a pebble on the sidewalk. the type you kick or trod over a thousand times a day, but never even notice. heck, i'm not even some kind of super genius at that. i've pretty much been a one-trick pony all my years, and it's gotten a lot tiring. however, any and all attempts to improve on this have met with some form of barrier. artistic skill escapes me, athletic prowess amounts to nearly zero, song and dance talents come to mediocre at best, only passable technological literacy, a physical aesthetic probably appealing to no eye, eloquence and elocution are nil, and so on and so forth. if there's anything such as a fifth-of-my-life crisis, this is probably it.

it would feel good to actually excel at something else aside from school stuff (which i'm not even sure i'll still be good at, coming into med proper), which is why i treasure every compliment and praise i can get for anything unrelated to acads. if some of my parents' friends say i'm gwapo, i'll run with it even if i know it's just small talk or empty comments. i can play ping-pong? yeah, sure, whatever. some say i write quite good but again, not to sound unappreciative or anything, but i feel that there are tons of better writers out there. someone once (or twice) said that i should try out for the near-legendary upcm med choir, but that's my ultimate dream just waiting to be dashed on the rocks. oh yeah, the praises just keep on rolling in.

now, i'm not fishing for compliments here, because i'm sure some people will tend to think so when they read this. honestly, i'm not. i think it's just because i'm feeling a bit frustrated, or maybe even jealous, of all the people who do have something else, something much more interesting and inspiring, going for them. lucky bastards.

i have no idea why i'm being so cynical and down on myself tonight. might be the moon or something. oh well, a good night's sleep and i'll be back to my good old boring self by morning.

oh shit, yesterday was a blast.

after spending 6-odd hours browsing scrub suits and stethoscope designs in bambang (i scored 2 scrubs, one with a monopoly-board design and another with a boating-compass thing going on, and decided on my to-be-stethoscope's color: burgundy!), i thought i would be too pooped to even get out of bed upon arriving home and taking a nap in the sweltering heat of my room. but of course i did do just that, there was no way i was missing what we would have going that night.

yes, it was adelfa's night out! we only now see each other (or rather, i see them) once every few months, so chances like these are too rare to miss out on. the original plan was at a local grille right here in our village, but upon arriving and seeing a few adelfa people, karla (sporting a hot new do with fading red highlights, haha) learned about a resto opening on kalayaan, which her dad sort of co-owned or something. and the biggest news: 50% off on all menu items! so naturally we packed up (had a few appetizers for take out, para hindi naman nakakahiya) and went to paulo's on kalayaan.

at syempre naman, ano pa ba ang tamang gawin sa opening night ng isang resto na 50% off on all menu items? e di orders galore! seafood and young chow (oo, young chow, haha!) fried rice, chop suey (dapat talaga kumakain na ng gulay mga tao ngayon. matatanda na kami eh. hehe), chicken teppanyaki, and 2 orders each of sisig and lengua. ang pumigil nga lang ata sa amin eh ang takot na baka hindi namin maubos lahat ng ipag-oorder namin, kung nagpakawala kami talaga. at grabe, sobrang sulit sya. imagine, P14-bottomless ice tea! un na ang panalo for cheapest bottomless ever! at naka-5 or so glasses pa ako! syempre habang kumakain na kami e parating ng parating ung ibang tao, kaya dagdag orders pa nung kinulang. ang medyo panira lang nun ay mabagal ung service nila kasi sobrang daming tao. tipong 20 minutes bago dumating ung additional plates and utensils para sa mga bagong dating. pero whatever, sulit pa rin. at in the end, tig-less-than-P70 each pa kami! sayang nga hindi applicable ung half-price sa take-out eh, kundi andami na sana naming bitbit na kalamares, buffalo wings, at kung anu-ano pang pampulutan sana.

isa pang bagay tungkol sa adelfa's night out, wala nang plano after dinner. nice plan karla. haha. kaya buti lang pwede kaming magcrash sa condo nina wyna. dinaanan muna magic sing ni karla sa bahay, at si cholo na sobrang bagal maligo sa bahay din nya, then diretsong katips. pag dating sa building, sa 7-11 muna para bumili ng *inumin* hehe, then unahan na sa condo at sa banyo. bottomless tea kasi eh. hehe.

buti lang kasama si joseph, ang dakilang bartender, kundi baka puro straight gin lang iniinom namin dun. at grabe, sobrang di ko makakayanan un. hindi pa naman ako heavy drinker masyado; di pa nga ako drinker talaga eh. kapag kasama lang naman adelfa ako nakakainom talaga ng marami-rami eh. at ang malala pa sa gabing un, maraming tao ang di makainom kasi either allergic, may lbm, magddrive pa, or hindi lang talaga umiinom. kaya naman, tinutulak na lang sa mga pwedeng uminom lahat ng tinitimpla ni joseph. included na ako dun. haha! pineapple gin sobra! tapos the whole time naman videoke atak lang mga tao dun, so sobrang saya talaga! as in pakawala! may mga rockstar moments, dancing queens, and lesbo action pa nga eh. laughtrip lang buong gabi. hehe.

ewan ko ba kung anong nangyari sa akin kagabi. hindi naman ako wasted for sure. paulit-ulit pa akong tinatanong ni karla kung hilu-hilo na ako, pero hindi talaga eh. kung may nararamdaman man ako nun, antok lang ata talaga un. kaya yata pilit akong pinagsstraight ng gin, para maubos na rin. pero sobrang sunog-baga kasi un eh! oh well, un nga, hindi naman ako nalasing kagabi. pasalamat lang na medyo high tolerance for alcohol din ako. di nga ako nakakaramdam ng amats or kung anuman eh, o feeling ko lang un. basta, definitely mas *wild* ako nung gabing un. pakawala na lang, sabihin natin. tipong hoard ng videoke, tapos sigawan talaga. baka nga lowered inhibitions lang, pero masaya sya. party all night. yeh!

mga bandang 4:30 ata ako sumuko ng tuluyan, pero bumangon naman kami ng 6 para umuwi, kasi enrollment pa pala ng ateno nun. pagkagising naman, wala namang hangover or whatever, pero bangag pa lang ata talaga ako nun. buti nga nakauwi pa kami ng buhay eh, puyat na puyat din si cholo nun. tapos pag dating sa bahay, crash din agad sa kama hanggang 12. buti lang tapos na enrollment namin.

haha, the best talaga ang adelfa. love ko mga taong un. dapat talaga magkatotoong outing na ulit. batangas here we come!

finally, my first real summer in two years is coming to an end.

but don't get me wrong, it's not that i want the freedom, relaxation, and recreation to come to an end. it's just that i'm really looking forward to what we have coming up this year. the first year of med proper.

finally, it's come to this point. to what everything i've been doing in the last sixteen years of my life is banking on. we've all heard of the story of the *very cute* little boy who dreamt of becoming a doctor, but rarely does it ever come to pass, especially in the way it's been planned out to be. i'll let you be the judge of the *very cute* part, but everything else is just as i envisioned it. i entered preschool, did good in elementary, blasted through pisay, and just finished two fun years in imed. i've been standing on the threshold for so long that finally taking that one big step and going in is becoming such a huge thrill for me. i could be called eager, by all accounts, but i'm simply psyched to see what the next five years have in store for me.

and now, enough with all the emotional i'm-finally-going-to-med-school crap. like i said, the summer is ending, and school is starting. so just before i pack up my stuff and move back to the condo and reality, i just have to take care of a few things here. i'm at the last dungeon in tales of legendia, so if i have a spare hour today, i might try to finish it. before me and my dad both become totally unavailable, we decided to fix my uniforms with the tailor. i'm not exactly sure if the top has the fit i would've wanted for myself (you all know how i want my clothes to fit) but at the very least, it looks good. scrub suits are also on the way to the laundry shop, and i can't wait to buy more sets at bambang. and of course, my burgundy steth is just waiting for me to buy it. books and some equipment are coming on tuesday, so i just have to get those home and wrapped. guess i'm pretty much all set then.

and of course, with the school year comes the perfect excuse to neglect my blog once again. but worry not; i don't intend to let that happen again this time, not with all the work i put into it. entries might be more sparse in coming, probably on weekends or so, but i'll always make it an effort to update.

for all my loyal reading fans out there, this is for you. yeah right, i wish.

**edit: happy independence day to all! always stay proud of our heritage, and always keep to heart the philippines and our fellow filipinos!

naliwanagan ako habang nagbabasa ng mga samu't-saring artikulo tungkol sa araw ng kalayaan sa mga blog ng iba, at ngayon ay naniniwala akong ang henerasyon natin ang syang magpapabangon sa bansa natin at magtataas ng banderang pinoy sa paningin ng buong mundo. kaya natin ito! maligayang araw ng kalayaan muli sa lahat!

it's currently the peak of the daily heat wave, and thus my dad has holed himself up in the airconditioned master bedroom and refuses to leave until the temperature drops below 25. and that puts a possible damper on my plans to move back in, go grocery-shopping, and have my hair done at fix all in the same afternoon.

so till we finally go on that fateful drive, i've packed my stuff, updated the playlist of my mp3 player (128mb is so pitiful nowadays; if anyone would be so kind? *wink*), blogged a bit (apparently), and racked my brains for the last three items of this damned test.

intelligence test

if anyone figures out any of the following: 18 h on a gc, 9 p in sa, and 6 b to an o in c, give me a heads up please. of course, don't tell me the answer. i will hunt you down and flog you personally if you do. just say that you solved it so i'll know that it does have a real answer. or give me a clue. just a teensy-tiny one, mind you. and if any of you want clues on the other thirty items, just say so.

for lack of a better, wittier title. be prepared for what you're about to witness.

i started to like eating veggies one day, and now i find myself trying to fit them in as much as i can bear to. imagine, i coerced adelfa into ordering chop suey or something when we ate out last thursday, and as it turned out, only me and jc would even touch it. my dad made me taste something with ampalaya, but for a moment there i wasn't exactly disgusted! now, i've taken a vow to buy at least half an order of vegetables from my favorite turu-turo in manila every time i eat meals at home. however, i'm not exactly cutting down on sweets and meat and junk food, so all this effort might not amount to much, but at least it's a start. i might make a vegetarian out of me yet.

i am also majorly envious of my friends who've had the chance of working out at a gym. of course, the promise of a buffer body is very appealing, but i would also consider it for the other benefits. it might seem a bit contradictory since i'm not exactly the athletic type, but i do play some sports, and when i do play them i love getting all tired and panting and sweaty (sounds nasty, haha). if it weren't just so much of a hassle, i would want to fit in physical activity into my daily life as much as i can. during the summer, i've even entertained dreams of jogging at baywalk in the morning before classes, but with a study schedule that will inevitably require after-midnight extensions, and the morning rush at the condo, it might stay just that: dreams. maybe when (if) i get my own place, then we'll see.

diet and exercise aside, i also vowed (observe how my life becomes redundant) to donate blood whenever the occasion arises. and as it happened, we got just that chance this afternoon, with a mu-sponsored drive at the college. i had my first try last march, and aside from legitimately missing a nat sci class, it was honestly quite enjoyable. they've said that donating blood actually lets you lose calories (not that i need to) and promotes healthy blood and marrow, since it forces the body to compensate for the sudden loss, but there's also the comfort and fulfillment in actually doing something good for someone else. and i swear, after the needle enters, you won't feel a thing.

i can't exactly explain when, how, and why this unofficial healthy lifestyle campaign started, but it's becoming a sort of third nature for me (if there is such a thing). but now, i'm finding more and more reasons why i should be doing it. my blood pressure constantly touches above 130 systole, and with learning how to use a bp apparatus, it'll just haunt me more and more. we've also met a bona fide igorot princess from bontoc who's in our batch (okay, scratch the *princess* part, and i'm not sure about bontoc either) and she's a full-time vegetarian. i have no idea how she'll survive in manila though, but it's an inspiration nonetheless.

the doctor in me has taken control, and frankly, i'm liking it.

don't you just love receiving 96-page handouts, especially those which take 2 hours (and a bitchy dominatrix, but let's not get into that) to organize? well frankly, i don't. and unfortunately, that's what i'll have to conquer this weekend and the following week if i'm to survive next friday's exam. and the worst part of it all: this is all just a starter course, a little taste of the true horrors to come. we may not be receiving nearly a hundred pages of transcripts the next time around, but the effort we'll have to put in will be just as much or greater than what these a-little-slice-of-textual-hell lecture readings will require.

oh well. there goes my weekend.

for this weekend, we have:

4 assignments
3 reading assignments

but enough of that. before long i'll just be using this blog to post task lists and study schedules, and all the comments i'll receive will be either of pity or of disgust. and i swear, it might not be long before that will be all my life revolves around. you know, bagong buhay and all. so there, enough of that, time for the good stuff.

this entire week was all about hs 201, human health and wellness. and aside from all the plenaries and sgd's (small group discussions, that is), last thursday, we had the paz y. ente activity. basically, that was a play on the word pasyente and what we did was just that: a play of being real patients. we had to group into pairs and whisk ourselves away to the many health centers scattered throughout manila, or to the outpatient department of the pgh, and pretend to be real patients. of course, *most of* our ailments were made-up, and some of us chose to manufacture separate identities and life stories as well.

tere and i got assigned to a center somewhere in sta. ana, but we got referred to another one since they were having a blood sugar monitoring drive c/o some congressman. so we went to the next health center, our pair got in while some other pairs didn't (a testament to yours truly's acting skills, haha), i got a free check-up and a prescription for synalar otic, and we got to walk away with no one being the wiser (save maybe the health-worker-on-duty, but then maybe she was just pms or something). just keep in mind, if anyone goes asking around for a mr. rodrigo antonio, freshman, residing at 2281 calderon st. sta. ana, manila, you don't know me, alright?

so what's with the not-so-amusing-anecdote? well, for one thing, i just don't feel like blabbing so much right now. and another thing, i think i'm slowly being drawn towards community medicine. simply put, community med involves working closely with the community in order to provide basic health needs and services directly to the people. on a deeper level, it's all about the people's participation and empowerment, but i really don't want to recount the whole course outline in this entry. the paz y. ente activity, along with all the other hs 201 activities, has shown me how much i might really enjoy working with people and communities, at the barest level possible. i know it sounds idealistic and selfless and all, but wouldn't it be great to grow up and realize that you can actually hold on to that idealism which you valued so much while growing up? of course, i still want to be financially secure and materially gifted (i.e. rich) and practice as a pediatrician someday, but i've started making plans already. graduate (with honors, hopefully), enter a pedia residency program (abroad, perhaps?), stockpile cash for 5 years or so, return to the philippines, find a good-paying job somewhere, enter the dfcm in pgh. and there you have it, undeniable proof of the powers of suggestion. but seriously, i am starting to consider it. just hope the next few years will see me get closer to this pseudo-dream of mine.

and that's it for the heavy, life-changing realizations. on the lighter side, i finally bought my stethoscope (burgundy!!!) and i can now competently take a bp reading using my baxtel aneroid sphygmomanometer. now all i want to do is to hoard scrub suits and have my steth engraved (juan carlos abon, md? hehe). for all the non-believers out there, i'm still keeping up with my healthy lifestyle kuno. with all the wellness lectures, it's hard not to. i've even emptied my condo stores of all junk food, and we might even try jogging sometime this week. the exam this afternoon was deceptively difficult, considering that hs 201 is the most minor graded course we have this year. med choir auditions were just till this afternoon, but i still missed them anyway. i'm thinking that if they hold another audition sometime this year, that would be the signal that it's time to test fate and really try out. i'm also seriously considering attending one of the practices of medrhythmics. i know it's all going to end up as a gigantic joke on me someday, but then again, who knows?

if any, now is definitely the time to dream.