guess the friendster update did come in handy after all.

it's been 24 hours after the fateful revival, during which i find an interesting note on my tagboard. looks like an old friend found my blog through my friendster, which automatically makes the profile update worthwhile. i click on the link he gives, which soon finds me in a brief state of surprise and confusion. i end up in the site of some would-be photographer with really good pieces, then i think "this can't be the right place..." i browse around a bit more, each click unearthing another fragment of the puzzle, the realization slowly growing in my mind, until i find a deviantart link. i bite, and there i find the last few pieces to complete the picture: his name in black and white, and a couple of pictures featuring his close kin. halfway through his gallery, it hits me; he is a would-be photographer, and he is *really* good.

oh yeah, i must plug: richard and his deviations.

having him tag me and viewing his blog made me realize two things. first, that i sorely miss old *old* friends, claret friends mainly. though i do get to meet up with richard on occasion (more like when we get the time to), it would be great to really just hang out, and even more so if it were with the other guys. at least through avenues such as friendster and blogging, i still get to stay in touch with him and apparently, discover a whole new side to him.

secondly, i realize that i have no talent at all. at the risk of sounding haughty or ungrateful, the past eighteen years of my life have presented me with nothing but academic achievement to my name. not that it's bad in any way (i would never give up my capacity for thought for anything else) but let's face it, that makes me about as interesting as a pebble on the sidewalk. the type you kick or trod over a thousand times a day, but never even notice. heck, i'm not even some kind of super genius at that. i've pretty much been a one-trick pony all my years, and it's gotten a lot tiring. however, any and all attempts to improve on this have met with some form of barrier. artistic skill escapes me, athletic prowess amounts to nearly zero, song and dance talents come to mediocre at best, only passable technological literacy, a physical aesthetic probably appealing to no eye, eloquence and elocution are nil, and so on and so forth. if there's anything such as a fifth-of-my-life crisis, this is probably it.

it would feel good to actually excel at something else aside from school stuff (which i'm not even sure i'll still be good at, coming into med proper), which is why i treasure every compliment and praise i can get for anything unrelated to acads. if some of my parents' friends say i'm gwapo, i'll run with it even if i know it's just small talk or empty comments. i can play ping-pong? yeah, sure, whatever. some say i write quite good but again, not to sound unappreciative or anything, but i feel that there are tons of better writers out there. someone once (or twice) said that i should try out for the near-legendary upcm med choir, but that's my ultimate dream just waiting to be dashed on the rocks. oh yeah, the praises just keep on rolling in.

now, i'm not fishing for compliments here, because i'm sure some people will tend to think so when they read this. honestly, i'm not. i think it's just because i'm feeling a bit frustrated, or maybe even jealous, of all the people who do have something else, something much more interesting and inspiring, going for them. lucky bastards.

i have no idea why i'm being so cynical and down on myself tonight. might be the moon or something. oh well, a good night's sleep and i'll be back to my good old boring self by morning.