october 30, 2010. 10:30 am. united nations avenue.

an accident. a freaking car versus truck vehicular accident. with last week's breakdown in quezon avenue, this makes two unbearably idiotic car incidents in the span of 8 days. 

first things first though, i'm perfectly fine. i'm nursing the bruised ego more than the slight bump to the head, so no need to get too concerned. now, if you're wondering what exactly happened, i think i'll let the pictures do the talking.

 i've already given my explanation more times than i would have cared to earlier today, so i'm just a bit too sick and tired to retell the same sad story over again. suffice it to say though, all accidents have a component of blame on all parties involved, possibly one side over the other. i certainly won't gloss over the whole thing and say that there wasn't any fault on my part, but you won't get any other admission from me.

what they say about accidents is true: you replay the events and decisions that led to it over and over in your head, thinking of what might have been done to prevent it. maybe i shouldn't have left the hospital early, the quiapo route should've been taken instead of nagtahan bridge, some rash and hasty decisions might have been better off not being made. thinking about it, had any one of these factors been changed, the entire thing certainly would not have happened. but the thing is, stuff happened, decisions were made, and this is the result. no amount of pondering and regretting is going to change that.

all i have to hold on to now is the bittersweet thought that things could have been much, much worse. the damage to the car is mostly cosmetic, and grossly limited to the front driver side bumper and fender, letting me drive away without further incident. if the wheel or axle was busted, or if the engine was hit, i wouldn't even have known how to bring it home. looking at the pictures now, if it had been just a split second more or a meter away, the truck would have hit exactly on the driver side door, and i might not be so lucky to be typing all this right now. 

i've already let the incident simmer inside, but despite that inkling of a positive thought, my emotions are still roiling right now. a bit angry (at myself more than anyone else), definitely pissed (at my life in general), but still, it's mostly guilt and shame, particularly towards my dad. this is the second car incident i've had to hassle him with, not just financially but also with his time and effort, as well as the anxiety i can only imagine i've caused. and to top it off, he's been extremely cool about everything, hardly the typical reaction i'd have expected from him. so dad, if you get to read this, I'M VERY VERY SORRY and THANK YOU.

in the end, i guess the best thing that could happen in a situation like this is if i can take something away from it all. with that, let me end this cathartic entry with a few personal realizations, or "life lessons" if you will, that i'm only writing down here so that every time i read them in this note, i can make sure to hammer them hard into my mind.

1. the great big someone in the great big upstairs is still looking out for me.

2. i know i'm a bad driver sometimes. obviously i have to fix that.

3. despite the age, the fancy walk and talk, or even all the medical knowledge in the world, i'm still a little boy inside, who knows next to nothing about surviving in the real world. 

4. better learn to start doing things for myself.