the last two exams over and done with, a research presentation proposal in the bag, and a few drama/senti moments with the class right after, involving a heartwarming trp composition and yet another departing doctor's farewell tribute, and it's practically over. the first sem, i mean. and thus it begins.

with all my talk of advance reading and exercise and all that scheduling crap, all plans must now crumble and be blown away as if dust in the wind, in the light of this amazing masterpiece of a game.


ff xii. not just in japanese anymore.

and just in time too, since i now officially have more or less a month to burn, doing nothing better with my days than gluing my eyes to my tv screen and bashing buttons away in true real-time-action-rpg form. and if you know me and my gaming habits any, you'd know that a month would hardly suffice to appease my insatiable oc-ness when it comes to my ps2 save files.

then again, i would similarly drop near everything for a chance to dance, even if i have to commute from qc to manila back and forth almost everyday. and that's another innate beast stifled and fed, with the trp class opening number training coming at us daily 1-4, and regular rhythmics sessions as well, not just for our trp presentation but to start on the concert repertoire. maybe there is a chance to become buff this break after all, or at least harden my abs just a bit. the thought of all that physical activity just tickles my fancy, wanting to start as soon as possible.

and so the challenge begins. between the hypnotic pull of my brand new game just waiting to be consumed in hours and hours of role-playing galore and the feed-forward endorphin rush i'm feeling from just thinking about all that dance, much more actually doing it, this sem break is going to be one gigantic blur from one thing to the other, myself hardly knowing how i'm possibly going to cope with it. nice way to get some rest and relaxation, wouldn't you say?

but then again, if i'm just going to be showered with so many blessings in such an infinitessimal amount of time, my oh-so-greedy self has nothing else to do but to take it all in, figuring out exactly how later on. as it's said, where there's a will, there's a way, and i intend to make this break count for as much as it possibly can. and even if i burn myself out trying, i know it's still all going to be a blast, just because i'll be enjoying the plain rush of it all.

oh yeah, it's on now.

imagine 160 people (okay, so now it's technically down to 157, hopefully not still counting). that's 160 nicknames to remember, 160 birthdays to celebrate, 160 cellphone numbers to ask for. 160 separate minds, 160 distinct personalities. 160 lives all intertwined with one another from the day we first set foot in that lecture room. the number may seem intimidating; but that's because it is. even if you're all stuck in one big classroom, and even if you'd all be together for 5 long years, it's enough of a challenge to get to know all of these people, much less make real, genuine, meaningful connections with all of them.

but then, that's where the big contradiction steps in. even if it's understood that you won't click with everyone and not everyone will click with you, you all get thrown into these situations where you're *forced* to make such connections with these people, regardless of whether you're naturally capable of making such, or certain circumstances dictate that you'd be much better off leaving these things alone. and in these situations, it's pretty much get along with each other or else die trying to survive all by your lonesome.

our curriculum thrives on group dynamics; nearly everything aside from exams (oh, if only...) have to be done with 3 or more people at your side. transcriptions, dissection, histology lab, mentoring, problem-based learning, you name it, we've got a group for it. and chances are, these groups are formed on the single quantifying basis of the order of our surnames, nary taking into account the presence or possibility of chemistry between them. and since you can't really change your last name on a whim, this is how you become stuck with your forevermates, your alphabetical friends.

it's like med school is really just a big experiment in personality conditioning and social dynamics. i could practically feel the video cams focusing, watching to see whether we could all become one big happy family in ourselves, or if we're just setting ourselves up to crash and burn in our attempts at civility, taking our future in med school down with it. since that's obviously not a feasible choice, at least not for anyone who's the half-bit serious about being here, everyone finds a way to deal with the cards they're dealt. dry sarcasm is always an option, and so are apathy, ignoring or avoiding people, or maybe just keeping to yourself. again, none of these are really good options either, seeing as you're usually stuck with the same people until internship. then comes the hard part.

when you start interacting with these people, it's when you start finding out their true character. it's when you start seeing all these tiny faults and issues they have, things you can't stand now, and can't imagine standing for so many semesters. even people you thought you'd get along with, as an effect of simply spending too much time together, start showing things that turn you off.

that's not always how it should happen, though. you can also find common interests, things that can make them good companions. it's also when you get to know these people that you find that they can be really caring, responsible, and dependable. you can also learn something else important: patience. it's when you learn that all those little quirks people have don't really matter, that they don't stop them from being good people. and even if they have these irreconcilable faults that really just irk you, you have to learn to look past them and appreciate whatever good they have deep *deep* inside.

and when you can make pacts of unwavering support and togetherness throughout all upcoming trials over triple cake slice treats and chicken ala kiev, as legally and morally binding as if it were written in the presence of a judge or carved by godly bolts of lightning into stone, rather than hastily sketched on a moist table napkin with a pseudo-makeup red gel pen and signed by haggard students on a sugar high, and yet everyone else is taking it as seriously as you are, that's when you know that you can drop the "alphabetical" part and you're just left with... friends.

no, i haven't started back on the path to blog abandonment, though nearly two weeks without any new entries might classify as such. it's just that hell month has already started, with two or more exams each week, our first ward work coming up soon, and a research proposal on gano and gout to squeeze in somewhere amidst all the panic and frustration. i'm just priming myself for the last few weeks of the first semester, which entails constantly hitting the books and just trying to keep up with all the load remaining in the sem. after that, it'll be three whole weeks of smooth sailing during the sem break, during which i've also got some activities lined up for, but that's for another time.

and just to be frank, my mind hasn't been in much of a creative groove lately. it might be all the innumerable tidbits of med lore i've been supersaturating it with, or plain fatigue is just setting in. but regardless of why it's so, my good old neuronal network just isn't up for a filling dose of wordplay nowadays. it's not like the well has gone dry though; there've been some bouts of daily drama that i wanted to spill my guts about recently, but i guess baring my soul through my writing just isn't my forte. again, maybe some other time.